how can you let go if in the first pace you never had the chance to hold on to something?. some says move on, but where will i go? at this point I'm just looking back on things that happened, things that could have happened and things that were never meant to happen.
it was September 16, 2010 at around 3:00 am when i decided to come clean on how i really feel about you. It was very uncomfortable for the both of us. I have my fears but i was ready on the possibility that i might lose you as a friend. as i blurted out every bit of my self, i was very cautious sugar coating things and in choosing the right words to say. Fortunately for me it ended pretty well, you said nothing will change.. although i have my doubts you assured me that you will try to keep things between us as normal as possible. ^_^
that same day was an emotional roller coaster for me. i was happy about the move i made, but was left wanting more from you.. i wanted to talk to you, to ask you more about how things will be, if you felt awkward about what i have said. and more importantly if there's a chance that you like me the way i like you. i cant contain it to my self.. i cried really hard. cant explain why but somehow it felt good. then i told my self it is unhealthy. i tried my hardest to act normal around you. Suppressing my feelings didn't go too well. i just found my self deeply connected to you. it was hard not to think about you, but it is way harder forgetting you.: (
every text message you've send me is saved on my phone. the funny thing is that i never read them anyway except for this one message you sent me last January 1. it was not a new year celebratory message but i felt something. perhaps its just me. i tend to give meaning to everything you do, its not right but according to some its normal.
days go by i noticed how close you are to one of our friends. i tried to ignore it thinking that its nothing. then i realized that i am jealous. Our friend assured me that it is nothing, I'm sorry but i have my doubts.
can you still remember when we went on a night out. i know you two are texting its fine. i could careless, my mind says its OK but who am i kidding. what ever you do i cant find the strength to be mad at you. maybe the reason is that i don't have the right to in the first place.
Then February 18 came. the night before was a blast, but at the back of my mind i do have this feeling that the last day of the fair will not be as much fun. and i was right!!
it is really unfair for our friend because i am pointing fingers on him, solely on him. i am again jealous.only this time i know why. its because i didn't like the fact that you two are texting and he keeps it to himself, i am not expecting him to tell me everything both of you does together, and i respect your rights to privacy but somehow i felt betrayed. but I'm so over that. i already apologized for over reacting. i thought everything will be back to normal up until last night.
he told me everything i needed to know. after the conversation we have had. i wanted to cry but i just cant.
i wanted to sleep but even slumber is avoiding me.
at this point I'm utterly sad. I'm a mess. don't get me wrong I'm not mad nor harnessing negativity towards you. simply because i cant.
at the end of it all I'm just afraid to lose you and i just have to accept the fact that we will never be more than friends. i am still hoping . . . friends?! ^_^
PS...
Just so you know i will be fine. i will always be here...
text me and ill call you ^_^
