may maisulat lang ulit LOL

how can you let go if in the first pace you never had the chance to hold on to something?. some says move on, but where will i go? at this point I'm just looking back on things that happened, things that could have happened and things that were never meant to happen.

it was September 16, 2010 at around 3:00 am when i decided to come clean on how i really feel about you. It was very uncomfortable for the both of us. I have my fears but i was ready on the possibility that i might lose you as a friend. as i blurted out every bit of my self, i was very cautious sugar coating things and in choosing the right words to say. Fortunately for me it ended pretty well, you said nothing will change.. although i have my doubts you assured me that you will try to keep things between us as normal as possible. ^_^ 

that same day was an emotional roller coaster for me. i was happy about the move i made, but was left wanting more from you.. i wanted to talk to you, to ask you more about how things will be, if you felt awkward about what i have said. and more importantly if there's a chance that you like me the way i like you. i cant contain it to my self.. i cried really hard. cant explain why but somehow it felt good. then i told my self it is unhealthy. i tried my hardest to act normal around you. Suppressing my feelings didn't go too well. i just found my self deeply connected to you.  it was hard not to think about you, but it is way harder forgetting you.: ( 

every text message you've send me is saved on my phone. the funny thing is that i never read them anyway except for this one message you sent me last January 1. it was not a new year celebratory message but i felt something. perhaps its just me. i tend to give meaning to everything you do, its not right but according to some its normal.

days go by i noticed how close you are to one of our friends. i tried to ignore it thinking that its nothing. then i realized that i am jealous. Our friend assured me that it is nothing, I'm sorry but i have my doubts.

can you still remember when we went on a night out. i know you two are texting its fine. i could careless, my mind says its OK but who am i kidding. what ever you do i cant find the strength to be mad at you. maybe the reason is that i don't have the right to in the first place. 

Then February 18 came. the night before was a blast, but at the back of my mind i do have this feeling that the last day of the fair will not be as much fun. and i was right!! 

it is really unfair for our friend because i am pointing fingers on him, solely on him. i am again jealous.only this time i know why. its because i didn't like the fact that you two are texting and he keeps it to himself, i am not expecting him to tell me everything both of you does together, and i respect your rights to privacy but somehow i felt betrayed. but I'm so over that. i already apologized for over reacting. i thought everything will be back to normal up until last night.

he told me everything i needed to know. after the conversation we have had. i wanted to cry but i just cant.

i wanted to sleep but even slumber is avoiding me.

at this point I'm utterly sad. I'm a mess. don't get me wrong I'm not mad nor harnessing negativity towards you. simply because i cant.

at the end of it all I'm just afraid to lose you and i just have to accept the fact that we will never be more than friends. i am still hoping . . . friends?! ^_^

PS...

Just so you know i will be fine. i will always be here...

text me and ill call you ^_^